236:"The Genius Controls the Chaos"

I know it is Friday, and I know that it is the last Friday before the end of the TdF. And while the race may already be decided, it also might not. What I am hoping is that Schleck pulls out some newfangled contraption - not a motor for his downtube we already have those - some kind of special handlebars or something that offer his body a more forward - (ie futuristic looking) position on the bicycle (I know, I get it, they would have to be really space age to make that happen) and he wins the Tour by narrowly beating Contador due to his tactical advantage in the Time Trial. But, then again, that could probably never happen.

I hope you have some time on your hands.

It is wonderful to be able to watch the climbing stages over and over. This is not really something that I can always do, but I like to. Today, I sneak glances at the TV and Kolobnev as he goes for yet another of the KOM sprints. This is playing for the third time straight. Glad no one minds.

Andy Schleck too is a marvel to watch. Contador makes me jealous. Snakeships. Whatever, who cares, he looks unique, fluid, sleek but in his own curious way. And these are the people that I channel when I climb, knowing full well that I probably look like an awkward bar room brawling (complete with look cleats and carbon soles) version of these two. Heavier sure, but also muscling the bike around like I am trying to make it do my bidding instead of the perfect union that is either of those two. Ah well, it still hurts the same either way.


Speaking of climbing, I had the chance to ride with KV the other day. Turns out we did a little bit of climbing, for most of it I was again staring at the ground whirring away beneath my tires. New ones in fact, but that is besides that point. Kyle is one of these "editors" one of these guys who sits behind a computer screen, or bank of computer screens, all day and gets to just play around with videos. Or at least that is how I imagine his life to be. Dark and filled with cheetoes. Keyboards smudged with greasy orange paw prints. In truth I am sure that it is something a bit more sterile than that. And KV does not ride his bike like he eats a ton of Cheetoes.

The reason that we were talking about editing though is because one of the last pieces that KV edited is one that many of you have been seeing for the past...oh say 18 days or so...



My question for him was about the second move, where the camera pans back over the mountains and why that move was necessary. He said to help establish the fact that the voices were solely surrounding Mr. Armstrong and not a product of the environment. Makes total sense to me, but what he told me next was what made the whole thing ridiculous and funny. Apparently people who had watched the video online had written in to tell them (Nike and W + K in this case?) that the audio keeps cutting out throughout the film. And this is where KV reached out and started smacking his own helmet and saying "Its the voices in his head, its the voices in his head." See how they come back when the camera shifts back....nevermind.



What I also find interesting is the "Una Mas" commercial that has been airing directly after (or was it before) the Armstrong ad - and they aren't Nike Ads anymore - they're Armstrong ads. I have to say (no offense KV) that if I had to choose one over the other it would have to be the Specialized ad. Two reasons for this. Well, ok maybe more than two.

1) lighter. this evokes a spirit that LA has been missing for quite some time now
2) lighter. as in color and brightness. tone, if you will. quit being so fucking dour Lance. you did this to yourself, this was your choosing.
3) the music
4) we all know that he has voices in his head.
5) if I woke up from a crazy dream, naked in front of a crowd of people and it was on a Specialized Roubaix, or whatever Contador is riding now Spz-A36 or something, in Astana Blue, I would be less embarrassed than if I was riding a Trek Whatevs 940. Fer realz.
6) I like that 'Berto is doing hill repeats - fast - instead of ambling along looking back on his career and "all the pressure to do this" and "the people wanting me to do that." Heard It. Contado has made it all about the best part. Riding his bike.

I feel like a dick now. Sorry KV, your work is amazing.

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Cycling Inquisition with an amazing story that includes but is not limited to: Colombia, drug trafficking, murder, infidelity, and Cycling. There is a video at the bottom of this post that I think you should check out. It is of JV showing off his hotel room and offers amazing insight into that man that we know and love. Family man? Maybe, check out his sleeping shirt and photos of his family. Also, a man of discerning tastes? Well, I do not blame you Jen's. I think that those synthetic feeling off color blankets are weird too...

Spriggs and I were talking about him all last week at the Cycle Club. Hoping for glimpses of him in post race interviews, or, more importantly, at the front of the peloton crushing peoples ever-loving spirits. Or, conversely taking a kids bicycle out for a joyride. The man will just not back down, and no matter what he said about stage 3, he still wins in my mind. Please do not retire my man. We need you.

Need proof? Jens Voigt? (please click that link). (pretty please). Damn, he has a sense of humor as well. What more can you want?

Honestly, let us get back to Spriggsy and I? Our JuJu must be taking some serious hold. Because in all probability it was just that type of talk that got us a mention near the bottom of that NYTimes post. Ok, not really us, but you know what I mean, that is our boy Graeme killing it on the Tourmalet. And just like that the revelations just keep coming.

One merry prankster in the comments sections offers insight into Voigt.

Joke from the Seventies:

"Why do cycling shoes have all those holes in them? To let the blood run out."

-brought to you by Harry from Boston.

Now enjoy this:

102: Endless Summer: The Shirts.

You can't actually get your full on tan if you can't get your bibs up over your knee. What I mean by that is if you're hoping to ride your bike, and get the best tan possible. You should probably be certain that you can ride a bike. (ps, is that a real shirt above? Who would make something such an outrageous claim?) That's just one tip for you.

I'm full of tips. Here's one that my uncle used to tell me.
He used to say "You want a tip, I've got a tip for you. Don't Smoke."
Cracked us little ones up every damn time too. So clever.

I digress.
T-shirts...

I made a commitment to myself not too far back to stop wearing t-shirts so much. How indeed am I to advance the sport of Male Fashion if I do not participate. Therefor, no more t-shirts, or at the very least, less of them. One week is all that I could manage. For I only bought two other shirts and they pretty much look the same.

The other thing that doesn't help the situation is that every time I turn around people are making sick, sick t-shirts. Like who? Well, I've got a few examples for you.

1. Trackosaurus Ride Hills T-shirt. Black is always good. Joy Division. Also good. Except for that movie that came out a couple years ago, Control. Not so good. I have to think that the life of Ian Curtis just wasn't that pretty. I mean the acting was good and the shot list pretty good too. However, I guess thats what you get out of a director who made music videos for U2. Lucky for us, when I looked him up on IMDB hoping for something else interesting I saw that he's making a new movie that Bono is writing. Whatever.

That kind of went down the negativity road. Shit, I'm starting to sound like A. Myerson. Someone put me out of my misery. The shirt however is dope. I don't even mind saying "dope" its that good.

2. JJ & Jens & Fabian & Stuart. by Gage and Desoto. Can I just say that I love this shirt too? I love this shirt because every time I wear it someone asks about it and they're always the craziest questions. One time it was... "Is that like, a shirt from a Law Firm?" I said "Yes," because I could actually see this as a Law Firm. And if I could have anyone representing me in the court of Life it would be either Stuart O'Grady, or Jens Voigt. You know that either of those dudes are willing to go the distance. Another time it was..."Oh my god, I can't believe you're wearing a Crate & Barrel T-shirt." And then you've witnessed the power of Helvetica.

I could also go on and on about Gage and Desoto, and I will, but not here. Not now. Soon.

3. MASH Tour of California Shirt. Go to the site and look at the back. This is what you see when you climb Mt. Palomar on a road bike, and these guys did it on fixies. Craaazy. Garrett sent this over right around the time he was putting together a little piece for the next Embrocation about their experiences. Ok, he sent it later, but I was just trying to shorten the timline. Its a really cool shirt though, and I couldn't get great photos of it because the graphic is on the back. Look through the other stuff while you're there because Garrett is an awesome graphic designer...



4. Chamois Time is Tanning Time. Oh hello, here's this one again. Try to stay calm as it is an Embrocation original. Well, actually that's not entirely true. Remember when I said that D. Action said embro felt like young girls licking his legs? Well, that is true and this is creatively what came of that scenario. A little direction and those cats over at JDK can really crank out the hits... you can't see it here, but once I get some close ups you'll see that there is not only an Embrocation Moka Pot, but the JDK logo buried within the design.

We only got a few of these made so get one before they are gone. You know. Like summer.

God damn it is so hot out.