101: True (Mango) Love.

I know that this looks like "fat siphoned out of Marlon Brando's Ass" (name that movie quote) but it isn't. In fact, I don't think that they'll let you take that on a plane. Or maybe they would if it was within the 3.6oz limit. What's in that plastic bag is actually is Mango Love siphoned out of James Selman's jar of Embrocation. At the airport.

James is at the Airport with Carey SH and they're on their way to the last leg of the Rapha Continental summer tour 09. Its almost as big as Wolfmother releasing a new album only in Australia and then touring (only in Australia). That's how exclusive this group of cyclists are.

Anyway I have to commend James for his diligence.
I wouldn't want to give up a jar of that sweet smelling sex-for-your-legs-in-a-jar either.

Who is James Selman though? That is the question of the hour. Well, lets start with this photo. Intensity is the first word that comes to mind when you look at this. At least that's what I think, and I took the photo. He was sitting right there. And he didn't blink for five whole minutes. I timed it.

Besides being intense James is also a designer. An Uber Designer if you will. The reason I chose this photo is two fold.

Fold 1) Mellow Johnny's. James was the man behind the design of the Mellow Johnny's branding. Which, if you follow bike racing at all (I don't, but if you do) you might notice that a few interesting people are behind this Mellow Johnny's scene. People like Chris Horner because you'll note that he and Levi Leipheimer wore it at the Tour of Gila. But besides that he's done some other interesting design projects as well (*cough* HUP) like being the Creative behind the Beloved Bicycle design I spoke of earlier...

Fold 2) My friend Kaiko Shimura made this hat. She made this hat for James, but it was too small, so I gave it to Erin over at Mellow Johnnys. She made it as a sort of one off tribute to Big Tex* (if you haven't seen this, its one of my favorites, but only because I wanted to be a professional basketball player). Anyway, she makes great hats (I've heard) but she's also got a lot of other irons in the fire...more on that later.

*its too deep, I have to add stars. James actually made this ad.

Up Next:
Hipster Showdown on the streets of Portland, and T-shirts.

090: Embrocation Technique — Joe Staples

Previously we've seen our man Steve Francisco and his embrocation application technique. Very good, very purposeful and very heavy on the sheen angle. Great Job!

Well, this has got me to thinking and instantly a few question popped into my head. How do other people do it? Is there a right way to go about applying embrocation to your legs?

I started asking around. Who would know? Of course I got the first person I asked, because I only asked the best. The PRO-est of the PRO. This guy is so PRO that no one has even seen him race a bicycle. I always thought this was because he was so far off the front. Heading into the sunset for that "only one in the photo" effect. Which would be good.

In any case this time it is Joe Staples and instead of the Team Edition he is showing us with the brand new Mango Love Embrocation. I'll recap at the other end. You just watch.



That was quick, now let us recap.

1) Don't mind the chickens, they're loud and they live behind the office.

2) Smell it. This is part of the experience too. Equate it to your morning coffee. Make it a part of your routine.

3) Never cross paths. No chamois cream on the legs, no leg balm on the chamois.

4) Remove the embro in a symmetrical pattern. This way when you share with friends they aren't turned off by the "double dipping." Its just for your legs anyway.

5) Warm it with your hands first.

6) Start with the tendons. I like this one because he's right. They do take longer to warm up.

7) Live out your Frank Vandenbroucke fantasies. As we all should. Model girlfriends, a rock and roll lifestyle. Just don't call all Pantani on us. Why? Because comebacks are awesome, especially when you claim to be T. Boonen.

And that's it really. I know that it sounds like a lot, but figure out your own routine. What works best for you, and then stick to you.

I wonder who else would be good at this sort of thing?

089: Mangocation.

Remember when I came to you and presented you with the Uber Secret embrocation team up with Mad Alchemy and you went nuts for it? Well, that was a while ago and I figured that you needed something new.

And this is that something.

I don't even know where to begin with this one. It is so damn good. I've actually been testing it for a couple of weeks now and it literally turns heads. In fact, when Dan Action said that he liked Embrocations in general because they felt like, and I quote, "20 year old girls are licking my legs," this is the one that he was talking about. He just didn't know it yet.

I can't take all the credit for coming up with this one either. Somewhere along the lines this summer someone mentioned to me that Mango was actually an aphrodisiac and a light bulb went off in my head. That's step one. Now, once that light bulb goes on, and it doesn't happen that often, I start scrambling around thinking "ok, I can see now, what do I do?"

Insert Mango into every part of your daily life? Maybe, but that's not where I'm going with this one.

So, we're riding along on some country roads. Delirious from the hundreds of miles of riding and Dan-o brings up the aforementioned licking scenario. Suddenly thing are getting clearer and I link the two of them together in my brain piece. Bing-Bong. Phase two, completed.

Now enter Steve Francisco into the mix to drop a little bit of that JDK science on your ass and we're off and running. A veritable explosion of the senses this one. Why? And I don't even mind letting you in on the secret here.

Because it smells like summer.

We all know what the spicy embros smell like. The cold weather ones. The ones that make you blanch a little because they're so strong. And those are all well and good and have their place on my legs. However, Mango Love is their long lost cousin. The cousin that just flew in from California and just can't stop calling everyone "Brah," or "Bro" or saying everything is so "Rad."

The (Endless) Summer Solstice happened the other day, and all yoga pants aside, this is going to be a good one.

And, since I designed the label, and I know you're wondering... why the large "IS" in the middle of it. It is simple, and I implore you to remember this one:

Because "Chamois Time IS Tanning Time" and you can quote me on that.