237: Ciao

Dear Mr. Armstrong,

I am just going to jump into this one here. Fuck You Lance Armstrong! And I hope this comes up in your google reader alerts too. Fuck you for making me stand in front of the television screaming. I have done it before, and something tells me that I will do it again. I realize this second part to be true mainly because of what I am watching at this very moment. Stage 20 - 2005 Tour De France. Great time trial by the way. You handily made every look a fool, and did not blink once.

What the fuck Rasmussen? Get it together. I remember yelling it the first time and I remember yelling it today as I stood wrenching at my hair. The sun is going down on Portland, and this race has already run its course. I remember Hincapie getting pissed, I remember the heat! and JAN Germany's answer to a great cyclist and even worse a "bridesmaid" as Slate says, than Hincapie.

I remember with this time trial came the slow weaving through the quaint French towns Ullrich literally wrenching the shit out of his bike at every corner. Wearing everything on a face as bright fuchsia as his T-Mobile jersey. This is the one where Papo had a chance to show what a great cyclist he was going to be (or not) by winning the (cursed?) white jersey of best youngestest rider, or most aggressive in the kids category, as I like to say... And also where we start to grasp at the full severity of Vino's craziness. So, I guess we have you Lance, to thank for all of these th...

WAIT! there goes Rassmusen diving into the ditch over his bike. Seriously, what was going on with that guy? Get. It. Together. And He's Catching Him! Armstrong has almost caught Rassmussen and he will!! And then, just as Rass slumps down from realizing that he has been caught. You, Lance are going to jam that fucker back up to 11. Just grab the fucking nob and rip it right off. Right in his face. I was actually afraid for Rassmussen at this point, like, that some sort of bodily harm would come to him.

And this is the part where I go 'Why Not?' I too, got a little verklempt today when they were showing all the clips of the race, and more importantly your career. But, why could I never fully get behind (all the while cheering for and against and for) Lance Armstrong? Was it because of your longer than long black shorts? Your Robocop attitude and overwhelming desire to win? Maybe the attitude, but I would never hold it against anyone who wants to win. Is that not our main goal in life? As cyclists, as people, to win? We never had the chance, mid competition to see you soften or dare I say, soften with you, because nothing (after your comeback) never, ever went wrong for you. And if it did, or seemed to, you just sort of swooped it up in your infinite grasp and it was over with....

Myself you ask? Well, I'm glad that you asked, thanks. I was brought up on a pretty steady diet of high school football. You had to if you were from my town, and even if you did not play, no matter where you turned you got to see how amazing a team they were. How many State Titles they had won, who the stars were... Similar to, I would have to guess, the place that Lance Armstrong comes from. Of course, I am placing a Texas is a football state on everything, but, I can do that. With that being said when I read "It's not about the Bike" I kept wanting there to be more disdain for other sports (especially football.) Just about that time college was just beginning to show me that athletics, and being an athlete could be 'cool.' It probably helped that I was surrounded by really great athletes, and just to hang around them and glean information about what it would take (training, mental fortitude, extreme drinking) and besides, I was there to learn.

When I saw you ride I felt so much that feeling that I wanted to believe it was possible to do. To ride, or in my case, run myself out of town. And never look back. So, you gave me that. The thought that being from somewhere did not have to dictate where you went. There it is - Rise Up - and then crash it down when you just could not leave Bro-Town (that's a now-relavant term, for being a big time Jock in high-school) out of it. You were still from a town in Texas, that guy up on the podium. You scowled from beneath your baseball cap (who needs cycling caps anyway who cares if they're about tradition?) you stalked from press conference to press conference like an insolent child, even I, as somewhat of a child recognized this. Oh yeah, and you didn't bother to even try to pronounce French words.

And on the same hand you were riding away from the best in the world. Smashing them. Make them look a fool, and making myself go YES! No! Just one more time.

I smashed this kid once. We ran the mile against each other all the time, and I think usually it was pretty close. Then came the day that he told me (to my face) that he was going to beat me. He really just came up to me - with two girls on his arm - I remember this part clearly because one of them was from my hometown, and had come here expressly to see him race. She was part of the popular crowd - so to speak - no word from her these days, she probably got fat, not the point. The point was that he came up and told me he was going to beat me in front of my dad. Luckily, my mother was elsewhere and did not have to hear this particular brand of nonsense. But I think that this was maybe the point where dear old dad unleashed the beast, and gave me my free will. That could be a pretty hefty topic to discuss, so we'll have to get back to that.

But what I did was smash this kid. I took that little ball of anger in my stomach - thanks Schleck for that - and unleashed it on this poor, unsuspecting kid. I did not feel bad about it at the time, and I do not feel bad about it now. I am just using that aside to show you that I am capable of understanding what sort of rage is bubbling and how it gets used. Mine was the hate coming off of one guy. Yours was the hate of a whole country of peoples (France) that you never even saw because you were too busy boiling down the anger into something manageable. I get that too.

And at some point, I also learned what it takes to hate something, then channel it, and eventually turn it on yourself, and others in a way that could cause it to be very explosive. In fact, if you did not have a physical outlet for it, such as running, or cycling, or smashing expensive china with a whiffle ball bat. And I could see this as being very destructive.

However, I think that is why you became so great. You brought out the absolute best in everything and everyone and at the same time caused the polar opposite in everyone else. Everyone that was not in on it. Or everyone that you deemed unfit to reap the rewards that you offered with undying loyaly... So, polar are your opposing sides that I think they should make up a new word for it. Opposar. Maybe? Or the art of it could be called Polar-Opps? Maybe there is already something like that though?

But whatever it is its strong. And while it is apparent that your grasp is slipping in the way that that race is no longer mutable in your hands, your effect is still great. When you slipped from the rankings with enough finality to finally make it believable you left a great void. And cycling will recover from it, people will learn to watch the race even if you are not in it, or provide some sort of context for them to understand it...

The racing too will recover. I thought that after I watched the second have of that fateful timetrial in 2005. Remember how you launched yourself up the Mountain after you passed Rassmussen? And then the water was splashed in your face and we thought you might react - but you didn't. And then you crossed the finish line, eyes, nose and face all steeled as if they have been preparing for a winter alone in the woods.

So, yes, the racing will indeed recover. But no matter how you slice it...whether we love you or hate your guts, you have left a void in this sport. Or maybe a wound? Maybe you left a wound that is still slightly weeping. The scab was reopened for a minute there and we tried to temper it with gauze, but maybe that was not the answer after all, maybe we should just let that shit air dry? Lets try that this time around.


Oh and while you're out saving the world, I keep getting email saying that this dude is stuck in a Russian Prison, can you look into that?

228: Designers Don't Read Books About Cycling

Have I made it apparent that I like books? Too much? Well, this one is about books as well. And if my calculations are correct (and I'm getting my calculations from Amazon) then today June 15th is the big day. Comic books used to come out on Tuesdays and I would run to the store to get them. Luckily, I am a bit more internet savvy these days, so I do not have to do any running.

I have been reading this book lately Designers Don't Read which I guess is mostly true, but it is probably because they are too hung up on the kerning of this, or whether all those text boxes line up or they have just been staring at the computer screen too long? (Joke)

Anyway, the book, by fellow Portland resident Austin Howe, is broken down into neat essays on various and sundry subjects. Each one of them has a title, but also a secondary header that is the minutes it takes to read the essay. I wonder how they came up with these numbers? The essays began as emails sent out to Howe's favorite designers around the country and ended up becoming this book. And most of them are really good. However, I keep coming back to one at the end. Admittedly, I've only read a few at the beginning and a few at the back. But the below snippet is something that I have been applying to everything that I have been seeing since reading it.

"Art" is the intersection of craft and self-awareness.

It works for everything. Literally. Let us say for a moment that bike racing is indeed Art. That at its highest levels these athletes are performing this insane balancing act that is the craft of their sport intermingled with the self awareness it takes to handle being at that level. But, I think that I will get back to that at some point in the near future.

Today, if it is indeed the 15th, would also happen to be the release date of Mr. Strickland's new book The Tour de Lance. And I think that the two books are related. Do yourself a favor cycling fans and get this book. Actually, get them both, support these literary arts.

I do not usually take notes when I read books. Sometimes, if I am feeling exceptionally rude, and only when I own the book myself, I will write something in the book itself. Or make a little dash or something to remind me later, when looking back through the book that there was something that caught my eye, held my interest for a minute longer, or stood out in the way that it was written. However, this time I kept notes. Furiously scribbled on an Ace Hotel Notepad, lining my own journal and even in the book, I took notes.

The tough thing about them is that my notes, especially if they are written in the height of passion, are almost totally illegible. They look sometimes like Ralph Steadman drawings without the lizards and dinosaurs. And at one point I wrote "FUCK YES" and circled that and drew and arrow towards something that looks like "Beelzebub is in the teamcar." Chew on that one for a minute. (That is not written anywhere in the book, I assure you.)

About a week before I received the book I got a call from Rich Bravo. Now, I don't know if you know this, because I give Rich Bravo a lot of shit, but, not only is he one of the smartest people I know, but he also knows his shit when it comes to books and literature...and writing...and the Classics (which is what he studied in College.)

"I'm reading Bill's new book." He says this to me in a fairly frank manner, maybe knowing that on the other side of the phone I'm clenching my fists in sheer jealousy, maybe not.

"Yeah? How is it?" I respond, obviously hiding my disappointment that I am not reading Bill's new book.

"Well, lets just put it this way, if Bill were a journalist in Vietnam instead of for Cycling and the Tour de France, he would win a Pulitzer for this." This statement coming from anyone else would make me laugh. "Tell me more." I say casually. "I don't know, you will have to read it, but I think what he does best, is not only make the subject accessible to everyone, but the insertion of his own personality into the story is so great that it gives it another dimension." DING — Intersection of Craft and Self-Awareness = Art.

The first weekend that I got the book I went for a long ride. It was sometime in March, but we had an unusually sunny and balmy day here in Portland. I had read the first few paragraphs of the book right before I left, standing awkwardly in the dining room of our house, probably making everyone else late in the process. These first few paragraphs (arguably the most important in the book) where he describes Armstrong's 2009 TT in Monaco at the start of the Tour de France would not leave me for the entirety of my ride.

And when I got home, stripped down to just bib shorts - their straps hanging down - and maybe one sock- and the same spot in the dining room is where I stood and finished the next few chapters.

It struck me a few days later that this book was going to mean something. That it would mean something more than a book about a Cancer survivor, or one of the greatest athletes ever to have lived, because at the base of it, really when he gets in and starts digging (by not digging) you will see that Lance has started to become human. That, as much as he works to fend it off, it still creeps in to everything that he does.

Now, I'm reading back over the last few paragraphs and I keep thinking "But you haven't said anything about the book." Like, an excerpt or something to really convince people that this really is the Bees Knees, as they say. I used a couple excerpts earlier this year, and that image of Menchov, the dying lion, is not one easily forgotten.

There is another one that I wrote down near the Menchov quote that was a such a good description of an exploding pack that I re-read it instantly. And have maybe thought of it a few times in races, whilst moving through a group of riders.

We drove up beside Morabito, the Swiss Astana rider. "We have to keep going," Craig said. We had to drive until we saw Lance. The gap to the break was down to 1:18. The pack seemed to be like a sack open on its downhill side and spilling out its contents as it got dragged upwards. We passed great great groups of riders, whose stench floated behind them...

It is these sweeping descriptions of the bike races that we (I) want to see and feel firsthand that make this account great. It is amazing to see the dirt under the fingernails of the riders (and writers), the gummy sharks that are the secret passage to the underworld that is professional cycling, and ultimately, the people surrounding the greatest cycling empire ever to have lived.

What I am really curious is to see what YOU think of the book.

Apparently, Mr. Armstrength himself was not fond of the book and his furrowed brow, as we all know, casts a wide net. Or however that phrase goes? I honestly kept a keen eye out for anything that could possibly harm the reputation of the golden child whilst reading.

The only thing that I could think that this book possibly does that would put a chink in the Armstrong armor? It makes him look human. And I think that is the one thing he is afraid of. Because, as soon as he's human, then he is just like the rest of us. And really? Who wants that?

220: The Shack and Other Interesting Tidbits.

I saw these photos of Mr. Armstrength yesterday on the Tracko blog. And they caught my eye because they mentioned the name of our good pal Mr. James Selman of Weights and Pulleys at the end. But there seemed to be a bit of a question as to whether or not this is the case...

But I figured that I should get to the bottom of the matter. Indeed James Selman of Weights & Pulleys was the go to guy for the retro Shack kit that that they are using solely during the Tour of Gila. This very obviously worked as a great spot for them to sell shitloads of Mellow Johnny's (also designed by Selman) kits after last years race (which they did) so why not come back this year with something fresh?


This makes perfect sense. And so does that use of Selman for the Design end of things. I mean, sure, they gave the old designers at Nike a chance and look what they came up with? The Mayor of Boresville called, they want their team kits back. Seriously. James gets it. Just forgo or bypass or whatever the eff you need to do to get straight to James next time.


Now, here is the thing that gets me. Take a look at the kits in the photo. I get that you want to stick with some old school Motorola/Brooklyn Chewing Gum Scenario with the black shorts. In fact, I think that is pretty awesome. But why not go all out. Why are these guys wearing some of the traditional MJ's stuff and some not? What is up with that? Why can't we get everyone on the same page?

Also, I recently heard this term "Deck" come into play. Its not a new term by any stretch of the imagination. Kyle Smith used it this past weekend in James Morrison's house and I immediately knew that it was Marketing speak for something, but not what.

As lady luck would have it, Dan Sharp got "a deck" later in the evening, so he was able to show it to me in entirety. Apparently, in the speak, "a deck" is simply the series of photos or a short brief, but its focus is entirely on inspiration (interestingly, Dan's Deck contained some of his own photos, which was weird, but I guess not unheard of.) So, armed with my new knowledge of the system I questioned James on his deck. Yes you read that right.


Turns out he really didn't have one, or it was too long to send, I can't remember. But he did send me some of his own personal inspiration images. And it is pretty easy to see how things got sweet relatively quickly on the MJ's team up end of things. Love the whole big bubbly font scenario going on there.

His statement on the design and inspiration of the kit went like this:

We wanted to originally do a more seasoned, fresh RetroShack kit for the original RS kit, so the Gila gave us an opportunity to try it out. Inspired by the late 70s early 80s era per the old RadioShack mark. And using the alt Mellow Johnny's mark we had done based on muscle cars with the old Trek mark – thought about using DATSUN and Blue Ribbon Sports, but thought best otherwise. With those components, I looked to DeWolf in Vermeer and then kits of sem France-Loire, Fiat, Raleigh Creda, DAF Cote D'Or and of course, RDV in Brookly. Found what worked within the color palette & the various brand(s) / architecture... Keep it simple.


My only other question is this.

Did Lance just name the newest addition to the family Cinco? Like Cinco Technology from Tim and Erik (trying to give you the benefit of the doubt) possibly he meant the powertap replacement bottom bracket thingie...

ps...did I mention that James also designed the new Rapha/Speedvagen kits that everyone saw at the Nahbs show in Richmond, VA. So good.

213: Clash of the Titans

Photo by Chris Milliman

There really is not much to say when, seated I might add, Mr. Cancellara straight up CANCELS all the odds that Tom B. is going to win at today's Ronde van Vlaanderen. I keep hearing "Seated Till April, Seated Till April" while watching that move over and over. Even though it was not so much of a move as it was as that Cancellara was seeing different lines than Boonen.

If this is any indication of that, well, Cancel is going to crush a few more hopes this spring.

That familiarly disheartening sheepish look that some of the cyclists took on as they dismounted their bicycles (Devolder's was particularly heartbreaking) left me in amazement over what happens lest you miss that winning break. This will be an all to familiar sight to those riders next weekend at Battenkill that do not make it over the top of that dirt climb in the front. I am in no way bragging and was thankful to make it there last year after missing it on the previous two attempts. Godspeed to the throngs that will partake.

Looking back through this time last year brings up more than a few memories of the bleak landscape (not Battenkill, Belgium). The bars, all smelling the same with cigarettes, spilled beer, and possibly the scent of windburned skin, if there is such a thing.

Belgium — Part Two: Entry One
April 3, 2009

In any case I missed that God forsaken land so much I thought I should go back. D. Sharp and I just bought our tickets to check out the Fléche Wallone, and LBL. Sure, sure we are going to miss next weekends Monument Roubaix, but this way it ensures that we get to see two new ones in quick succession.

This will be the one (similar to last year) in which we explore the country that has produced some of the best cyclists ever to have lived. You could go straight to the top of that list (Merckx) or just jump around however you like (the immortalized Vandenbroucke, or the DeVlamaenek's, as well their contemporaries Boonen, Devolder). I was reminded of this train stop when reading Bill's new book. He takes a page (just one, and he does it so well) to describe the effect of Merckx on the cycling world this is near the end of the page by the way, after the description linking the Grand Tours to the Super Bowl and World Series.

"In his peak years he was victorious in one-third of all the races he entered, an unheard-of and still unmatched ration in a sport in which four of five wins a year make a rider one of the best there is. It's no stretch to argue that this cyclist ruled his sport in a way Michael Jordan and Roger Federer combined don't equal. For all of this, Eddy Merckx had a subway stop named after him." (Pg 14 — Tour de Lance )

All just background for the conversation on Lance though. You know, the one that you had today with your buddies while you were punching each other in the arm and rooting for Cancellara and Tornado Tom at the same time. Shouting out "no! Yessss!" and not really caring because either of those two winning makes you happy. Although, it helps with the 'putting him into context' part, if you will.

I guess it works because no one can mention anything about Professional Cycling these days without muttering Lance Armstrong under their breath. The tough thing is not knowing. Not knowing why you are muttering his name, not knowing why you hate him, or love him, only knowing that apparently both of these emotions can exist at the same time. Hence, the mutter.

Photo by Chris Milliman

Well, Milliman also captured one of Lance today. And whatever you do, Lance, to maintain that hawkish look of determination, well, you just keep on doing that one as long as you can. Only, at some point you are going to have to lose the bib-extensions, because they just look ridiculous and out of place in contrast to the graceful-yet-forceful pushiness of the Belgian landscape. You might be able to get away with that in the Tour, but not here.

Although at the same time it is comforting to be reminded that he gets covered in the same shit and grime that the rest of them do. Or, rather, that he is getting covered in that shit this year, for a change. What tactic is this Mr. Armstrong? What secrets do you hold in store for us as the year progresses (see, there I go talking about him again.)

"We pass Menchov, who's been dropped. Bruyneel looks out at him and says, "Menchov." A pause. "That's Menchov there." There's Both awe and regret in his voice, as if we're driving by a dying lion our safari party shot. Saxo goes to the front and jumps the pace, and the gap to the break comes down to about 3 minutes. Up ahead , the break is splintering under its own attacks." (Pg — 251 Tour de Lance)

Not really sure what the above quote has to do with the events that unfolded today although reading it out loud to Kyle and Molly seemed like the right thing to do this evening. And when you say something out loud it sounded a little more right than when I just typed the words. Menchov was not there but the the dying lion surely was. No matter who you decide to give that moniker to. This thought, that not only was the dying lion part of the mis-en-scene but was also somehow caused by the whole heaving throng that was cannot be escaped.

It is going to be a good year, or at the very least, interesting.

114: JRA

Arkansas by John Brandon is a book about a "bunch of rootless drifters who form an unstable drug-distribution network..." Hmm, do they race bikes as well? Sounds familiar. Nah, I'm just kidding. I did however sit down and start reading it the other night. Ten pages in and I hit the snooze bar pretty hard.

Now, I love to read but I feel like my attention span + working on shit + riding early in the mornings has taken my read space down to zero. Ah well, the good news is that I've been reading a ton of magazines lately.

Take Bicycling for example. I read that. And can I just say that the current issue of Bicycling Magazine has some pretty good (and Bad) stuff in it? I'll list them here and then you can decide if you want to run your Petite Feet over to the newsstand to pick up a copy.



Things about Bicycling this month:

1) its feature cover story is helping me get lean (AND strong!)

2) a bitchin Cervelo ad with Thor on the first page (a weird/lame Pearl Izumi ad on the second page)

3) Sylvan Chavanel's "Favorite Things" like a Genuine Six Day Derny and (My Boogie Buddy whatever the hell that is?)

4) A Teddy Pendergrass Reference.


Bill Strickland's article "Bullfight" is probably the most entertaining article within the publication. Strickland has been following Armstrong around for god knows how long (since he's returned to the sport) and my guess is that generally the focus is on him (Armstrong) so the fact that he's chosen to focus more on Contador is a great decision. Why? Well, for one because I'm sick of hearing about Armstrong. And b) because (and this is why Strickland is great) because there is more humanity AND humility in Contador than there ever will be in Robocop,

And that's what I want to see. I want to see people! Not robots, unless they're robots hands.

Then I'm all in.

Also in the issue is a great photo spread by Rouleur Photographer Camille McMillan. And if you really want to know some more about that. You should check it out on the Rapha blog. Which I have been contributing to lately. While you're there you should check out the Design posts by Joe Hall, he's a fantastic writer and has a keen eye for design as well.


Can I just say that I can't wait to get my grubby little mits on the Rouleur #13 Box set? Of course I have every copy, that's not the issue here. The issue is that they have issued a new box for it. I'm in. Is that strange? That I want to get it just because it exhists AND is limited? . Don't worry, I'm not going to get it, I just want it. Especially because they only made thirteen of them.

I think I might have a problem

What I don't have a problem with by the way. And the REAL reason why I'm Stoked on the new Bicycling Magazine is this.

BAM!

And I'll say it again..Bam! Way to go Peter Smith. Do yourself a favor and get some Mad Alchemy for your bum. It helps remove the stutter out of your remount (you can use that one Pete).

Also, have you been wondering where the new Embrocation Cycling Journal is? Why it hasn't shipped yet? Well, to tell the truth, I've been wondering the same thing....what's going on here?

105: A Two, or Three Video Saturday.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Sport Report - Tour de France & Robotic Baseball
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Tasers

I don't have a TV. But if I did, I would be watching things like...The Colbert Report. One time, when I worked in the Television Production world. This was a long time ago, but I did a lot of Teleprompting. This basically involves using a mouse with a roller ball, or a just the plain old trackpad on your computer, loading a fancy program and then scrolling along with whomever happens to be on stage reading out-loud. I did this for people like Chris Matthews, John Kerry and his wife, Terri Gar and John Stewart. Stewart was the funniest. I think about this every time I see him. How he's funny. Indeed, I enjoy people who are funny.



This is the second video. Shot this video in Belgium last year.


Was thinking about this because last night saw the meeting of the minds. Met with local legends S. Hunter, M. Cameron, and B. Ellin to talk about the upcoming Cyclocross season here in Portland. Now, I don't know about you, but I feel like everyone has 'Cross on the brain all of a sudden. No? Check out the most recent post over at Race.cx as it talks about Brian's first Cross race. Pretty interesting to talk about how we all got into this sport. Good stuff.

Ok, lets make it three.



I saw this over at Molly's Blog. I dream of making video's this good. What is it going to take? Better equipment? Probably. I wonder out loud what this was shot with. It looks really good. But it begs the question: What to do? I want to race Cyclocross more than anything, but what then, do I do about covering the race scene this year?

I'm on a quest to find out the differences between the East and West Coast Cyclocross Scenes. Who know's what kind of craziness could come of it. Either way I saw a lifesized Billy Dee Williams at the Liquor Store just now. Thank you Colt 45 for bringing it back. And apparently Sheppard Fairey designed it. Weird? Weird.

099: My New Hero.

This is what I'm talking about.
Action! Drama! It's all there.

Mr. Joe Staples, whom you may remember from his Embrocation techniques a few weeks back, sent this over yesterday. It was contained within an email titled "DO NOT OPEN IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE TOUR TODAY." I immediately opened it based on the fact that I hadn't seen the tour but still wanted to be able to keep up with the times.

I've found that its actually pretty easy to fake that I've been watching the tour.

You do it like this—

If Someone Says anything about Boonen...
You say "Tommeke Tommeke Tommeke!" and pump your fist in the air.

If Someone Says anything about Lance...
You say "Grumble Grumble Grumble"
OR "If he doesn't win it will be because Horner isn't there."

If Someone Says anything about B. Wiggins...
You say "what the fuck? I thought that guy was fat. How did he climb like that?"

If Someone Says anything about Cadel Evans...
You say "I know, right? He does that every year."

and so on and so forth.

Good Luck and let me know how it turns out.

098: Neighborhood Watch

I figured while I'm in the neighborhood I should really get to the bottom of this IF Embrocation bike. What does it look like up close? Can I touch it? I say things like 'awesome,' 'amazing,' and 'rad' way too much, so I'm sure there's something better to describe. In any case, stay tuned for a little more in depth interview with Clint Lunsford the head painter over there (who's also somewhat of my personal brother in arms as well.)

The Embrocation Moka Pot looks good wrapped around like this. The pattern works well. Check out the White inside of the fork.

I wonder what would happen if you unleashed our design team on a whole bike? I mean seriously, I'm sure that we could get our heads together and come up with something cool right?

You'd totally ride that. Who am I even talking to?


Speaking of the design team they have actually been cranking out some kits in the past few days.

And the place that I'm staying has cable television. And you know what that means? Nurse Jackie. A lot. Which I have to say is ok. The episode we watched last night included some of the a good amount of drugs, some screaming and yelling, more drugs, a payoff, and a leading lady that looks like a man.

Sound like anything else? (especially the leading lady part as I recently heard someone call Lance a "Dyke" no joke I laughed for about ten minutes, after which she explained herself and I kind of went...ooooh yeah).

Which we all know that Lance already won.

"I think...uh..I think, there might be something personal between those two teams."

This was Lance's quote when asked why they chased down Hincrapie. Weak. His response should have been "this is a bike race, that is what you do when you realize that one of your competitors is off for the leaders jersey."

Or Hincapie should have paid everyone off with Hincapie Jean's. Although as I typed that I figured out why he couldn't do that. Because the sizing of the jeans start at a 30 waist. Big mistake George, don't you know that the largest rider out there is going to get lost in a 26? Have you seen these guys George? Oh, wait, maybe you haven't because you've been too busy riding off the front?

Moving on.
As I was flying from Austin to Boston I saw in the in-flight magazine tucked into the back pocket of the seat in front of me that they had already published the winner of the 2009 Tour de France, and there he was in his new Whirlpool team kit on. I did a little google research on his new team and this is what I came up with.

Compare
Take a look at Mares Martin's bio. He's got some pretty interesting stuff going on there as well. He lists his favorite race as "none" and his interests as "all kinds of sports, hockey, movie, coffee." Ok, so no one ever claimed that professional athletes are all that interesting? But seriously..if this Cycling Team is your Marketing Plan, what are they doing for you Whirlpool? At least give me some shots of a bunch of dudes in a Whirlpool. I mean, they do make those right?


Now Contrast
Take a look over here in the Basketball arena. Contrast Mr. Martin with that of Ron Artest and his website. Really check out this website, its very space age and there are all sorts of interesting nuggets stored within (nay, on the front page) that will make you love Artest and his sensibilities. No matter how off they are.

For example:
He has a quote on the front page that says:
"As a lifelong fan of Michael Jackson I want to apologize to anyone I may have offended with the language I used in my Michael Jackson tribute..." Then directly underneath this quote are three things. His autograph and then two icons that say things like "Watch Video" and "Read More." Now I clicked on the "Read More" first and was I greeted with a treat. I thought it was going to have something to do with Michael, and I guess it kind of does, but ...no go. Check it out. Its about Dogs Balls. Not even joking.


The gang is back on the road and there is already some pretty sweet video to attest to the fact that they are having a great time and getting slogged by PVB on the gravel. I tried to hold back the tears when I watched this film, but, its ok, to cry. After all, this is emotional stuff.

ANGEL FIRE, NM from RAPHA on Vimeo.

Ok, I tend to get a little off topic when I'm talking about the tour de france, but my meanderings are just to cover up for my mis-steps. If you want some actual coverage and commentary that is really good. Check out the Pavé website. Aside from having been a DS, Whit Yost actually knows how to write about it too..

And then there's Here Come the Belgians.

Which is just plain awesome. So, check that out too...

095: Finally you too can Be Part of The Tour

Finally.
Finally I've found a news source that I can trust. When passing through the Pdx airport I saw this display. My first inkling was to abandon any hopes of travel and sit in front of the Colombia display and hope to win a new Scott bike. Then I realized its real intent. To inform.


So I got closer, and upon closer inspection I realized that the internet and blogs have finally died and we've returned to a more traditional way to let viewers like you know what is happening in the world of cycling. My favorite part about this display is where it says "Crashes and wind and raing — oh my!" So Clever. And I SO want to be part of the tour.


Breaking News:
I just learned some disturbing news from the road today. I know I'm probably behind on this, but I'll try to post as much information as I can, as it comes it. The times that we live in are rife with information (as you may notice above), when the interwebs are concerned you can get everything you need at the tips of your fingers (or in the airport).

But believe you me, you heard it here first.

Lance won the Tour de France today.

I can't really go into all the details, since I need to head over here to celebrate with him. Apparently he's going to fly right back to Austin to hang out with us and celebrate.

For this:

One lucky team is going to walk away with this little beauty of a trophy. And then we're going to watch the movie afterward. And then we're going to party. A lot. Now, I don't know about you, but this shit is happening in a way that I don't think the TdF is going to ever be able to match. Ever.

I like short sentences.

This is our tour guide to Austin. In conjunction with Erin of course. More on that later. But if you're wondering why Christopher Stanton is so serious. Keep scrolling. He's serious because he means business. Watch out Austin.

See you soon.
High Five.

094: Tour de Lance for President.

One year when the Tour rolled around (pun intended) I conned my girlfriend at the time into getting cable just so that "we" could watch the Tour. Granted I coded it in secret speak of Dog Whispering, late morning Ellen, and even a Sex in the City or two. But I think she really knew the truth. That every night I was going to come home and sit in my chamois, stink up the place, eat too much pasta, drink beers with Floyd, and really just LIVE the Tour de France.

What happened? I haven't watched one minute of the Tour de France yet.

I'm actually trying to hold off for as long as I can. I Gave up on the likes of Cycling and Velo Newses a while back. Pez I thought would fill that void. But it didn't, so I kind of just stare up at the sky and wonder whats going on in the world of professional cycling... actually I was just thinking about this new PBS hat.


So, I started asking around to find out what is going on. This is the heart of journalism right? That's what we're all after here. The story. The next story. Breaking the story....

Well, Steven told me that Cancellara won the time trial. Handily.
Joe told me that "the Dish" won stage two. And not only that but the fact that no team could even respond to the train that is Colombia. Roar!

"What about their new kits?" This was my question to him. These are the important things here people. I had read something days earlier that they were talking up their new kit design."They're pretty much the same, minus the abs, and with some green bits thrown in."

Boring.

Where did their fake abs go? That's what I want to know. How are these Gladiators of the Road supposed to withstand the deathblows from their competitors? What if Cav's fragile body gets tossed into the barriers? Or Tornado Tom suddenly decides to start racing again? What then I ask?

With this open void left in my life, not having to watch the Tour, I found all sorts of ways to fill the time.

First I help up this Mario Cippollini sticker in my backyard and pretended that he was sprinting for the win over and over. And yes, I know that he's got aero bars on. But a boy can dream can't he? I did this for about ten whole minutes. Sometimes closing my eyes and thinking about that striped behemoth wizzing by, sometimes trying to picture the "muscles" skinsuit.

Then I tried to go to a BBQ in my neighborhood. Being new to town I asked my roommate where it was. He tried to look it up on his Superphone and this was all that happened. 007. Like the number of Lance's wins. 7. Then Brian came over and explained that an "infinite loop" is kind of like what goes on in Lance's head..."must win at all costs, must win at all costs, this is MY team, must win at all costs," and it just kind of keeps repeating over and over.


Then I sat down and read this pamphlet (pictured below) cover to cover. Its filled with some pretty good sentiments. I found it attached to our refrigerator the other morning and found myself wondering "has this been here the whole time, or is it new?" Is it pointedly directed at me?
I'm revising it and thinking about putting out a few versions of my own.


-101 Ways to Spend Your Days While Everyone Else is Watching The Tour. (See above)
-101 Ways to Help Lance Win the Tour From Your Home (loose lips sink ships after all).
-101 Ways to Make Love with a Cyclist Without Doing it. (#23 Whisper "you're such a Badger" in his/her ear randomly.)
-101 Ways to be a Gentle-er Lover.
-101 Ways to convince your friends wives that you're not gay
-101 Ways to apply a nice sheen of embrocation to your legs. (these last two should not be used in conjunction with each other.)
-101 Better (Looking) Uses for the Rapha Silk Scarf than I can come up with.

I think that there could be a future publishing venture here. I'll check it out. And once I've got the price quote for "cheesily printed brochure" down I'll let you know and we can settle on one of the choices.

What else can I do to distract myself from watching? Seriously.